"I'm a forgiven person, still trying to prove that she is good enough"
I heard this quote from a dear friend of mine during a video that was shown in our serves this past weekend at GCC. It stopped me dead in my tracks. Do you ever encounter times when you feel like God is staring you in the face, speaking directly to you? Yeah, this was one of those times.
If I'm honest, I had been/still am experiencing a dry time with God. And that is no one else's fault, but my own. I wanted to sleep more than wake up and spend time with Him in the mornings. At church, I had found my niche leading worship, and was falling into the trap of thinking I could do it on my own--based on my own talents. You know, the talents that are GOD-GIVEN!!!! C'mon, Becki...didn't you grow up in the church?!
Even when I'm not in a dry place, spiritually, I still find that one of my un-ending lessons being learned is that I desperately want to be good enough. Good enough for my family, friends, bosses, co-leaders, team members, volunteers. Above everything, good enough for God.
Now, I hear myself answer already, "God believed you were good enough to die for".
I don't know that I'll ever feel good enough. That's why I search for it elsewhere. It's uncomfortable to believe that Someone loved you, knowing you would disappoint, and never be "good enough", and still chose to sacrifice His life to purchase your heart. To create hope that love exists right where you are, no matter what you've done, or will do. I know and live in that kind of love, and it still freaks me out.
All I can do is choose to accept it. Daily, maybe even by the second. And when I fall into the lie that I need to be "good enough" or earn God's love, I'll remember that He takes me as I am. Faults and all. There is nothing I can do on my own merit that would make Him love me more or less.